(here)
the promos
- (Mean Gene) Thank you, Jim. I'm here with Lester Sully who—
- (Lester Sully) Listen, Mean, Gene, Listerine: I have two teeth...woo! Bottom—woo! Not no top, not no under the top on the top, vertical...woo!...middle above the bottom—bottom. Corner, pocket—no...no...woo! One away from the corner—come away with me to a secret garden, from the sewer to your home...woo! I...have...two teeth I need to brush again, I'm harshing my tongue—I'm racking leaves, baby, woo! (walking away)
- (Mean Gene) What the hell was that?
~~~~}
- (Mean Gene) Hot off the heels of that slugfest—Now, Khash, you heard what Lester Sully earlier had to say about your upcoming match, if anybody can make something out of it, you can. What are your thoughts on—
- (EatKhash) You know something, Mean Gene, when I think about Lester, that greasy old goat, Brother, I think about all those bugs in the ground crushed like leaves and all those little fish getting eaten by other fish, and mothers eating their children dinosaurs living with humans and our children disappearing like cities underneath the feet of polar ice caps melting, and I say to myself, Brother, where are the Samoans gonna go? The Pacific Islander chink babies—little children with little feet—little chink feet, their little chink feet, Mean Gene, and I say to myself...Lester, Lester, you toothless greasy old goat—you see this bald dome? Lester, what are you gonna do, Lester? Whacha' gonna do, when Mine and Mean Gene's bald domes run wild into you?
- (Mean Gene) He's off to the ring, Ladies and Gentleman!
~~~~}
House Show Main Event...at 8PM
(you're late...don't tell me the dog show ran too long...)
...- (Jim) This could settle it. He's gonna give him a headbutt, Vince. He's gonna ram his bald head into Lester's butt. This could do it. But no! Lester doesn't move, the cow, he doesn't fall over. Khash looks like a petulant Homer Simpson trying to ram another...head ram—
- (Vince) A cow, Jim. What a show of force and inertia by Lester Sully, that greasy old goat. Khash is on the mat, wiping his forehead and complaining to the ref.
- (Jim) Oh he's bickering! He's bickering, that's what he's doing...
- (Vince) He's on his hands and knees—Oh and what a nasty kick to the face by Lester—
- (Jim) The spineless jellyfish!
- (Vince) Like a footballer at a golf course, and the ref goes down from all the blood splatter...uh...
- (Jim) Blood gushing from Khash's noth and mouse—
- (Vince) His nose did an inverted vertical somersault to God—
- (Jim) Goodness Almighty! Let Goodness be gracious—
- (Vince) And stood tall against a golden army of the Sun—
- (Jim) And irrationalism, Vince. It's coming down from a sentimental journey, I'll tell ya.'
- (Vince) It was the blood, Jim; it landed on Earl Hebner's face and now he can't see—he can't see!
- (Jim) No, Vince, I believe I saw a tooth haul ass from Khash's mouth and landed in the referee's eye.
- (Vince) Fuck you!
- (Jim) Now he's unconscious, Vince.
- (Vince) No, fuck you, Jim.
- (Jim) It caught him in the eye, it did.
- (Vince) I'm in charge! Who's in charge here? Me or you?
- (Jim) Here goes Lester again with another punt...and he slips on his own grease!
- (Vince) This is unbelievable, folks, he slips from the grease...from his very own—
- (Jim) Some of his hair gel must have plopped on the mat, Vince.
- (Vince) No, Some of it landed on your face and gave you some style, Jim.
- (Jim) Well, I don't know about that.
- (Vince) Of course you don't!
- (entrance music)
- (Vince) Wait a minute...
- (Jim) What's that music?
- (Vince) Uh-oh! It could only mean one thing—
- (Jim) It's the Ultimate Warrior!
- (Vince) Will you shut up I was gonna say that!
- (Jim) Here he comes! He's running to the ring.
- (Vince) Who's he gonna help?
- (Jim) The ref's out cold. Khash barely crawling to pick through Earl's pocket.
- (Vince) Here comes Lester—
- (Jim) Oh, they're bickering—they're bickering over Earl's cell phone. What a filthy show of—
- (Vince, aside) He better not go through those photos.
- (Jim) Looks like Lester's accusing Khash of wanting the phone for playtime, which is a fair assumption—
- (Vince, aside) Oh, I gave them both some speed in the back.
- (Jim, aside) You what?
- (Vince, aside) Before the promos—Oh don't get all high and mighty with me.
- (Jim, aside) The guy's gonna be jackin' it all over the place come backstage!
- (Vince) And Warrior's running around the ring—He's shaking the ropes.
- (Jim) He's back down, again, running around the ring...again...
- (Vince, aside) What's this nut up to now?
- (Jim) And he's running towards backstage!
- (Vince) That's it! This is the last contract—I've had with this lunatic.
- (Jim) He's a loose canon.
- (Vince) I'll show him renegate. I'm outta here, I'm...(distant verbal spewing) ...Fire his ass! I'm gonna sue the...the...fuckface!...out of that painted...
- (Jim) Vince has taken off his headset, folks. I apologize for the—What's this? It's Today! Today! By God—He must have been hiding under the blog the whole time! Uh-oh, he's got a steel chair. The chair lounges back and Lester's not aware. He can't see. He can't see behind him, folks—Right to the back of the head and there's pomade all over the place. What a spectacle! The referee, checking his pockets; Khash taking his hand out of his pocket. Khash rolls him over, 1...2...and 3! Oh that does it, by golly. He's got his blog back!
~~~~}
backstage
- (Mean Gene) I'm here with EatKhash and Today, who have reclaimed, in the ground! Khash, Khash—What are you going to do now that—
- (Today) We're going to a hookah bar!
No comments:
Post a Comment